Doctor Who 101
1. Bananas are good.
2. Watch out for women named Jackie, they slap. Hard.
3. “Go to your room” are terrible last words.
4. Be silent in The Library.
5. Fear of the dark is NOT irrational.
6. Don’t blink, blink and you’re dead.
7. Travelling with the Doctor is not safe; however it is the journey of a lifetime.
8. Statues of weeping angles are dangerous.
9. The Doctor is rubbish at weddings, especially his own.
10. The Doctor does not appreciate being called “Doc”.
11. The Doctor likes the word fantastic… and brilliant.
12. A strange man in your bedroom does not mean anything can happen.
13. Lots of planets have a north.
14. If you meet an eccentric man who says his name is John Smith, the wise thing would be to get away as fast at you can. It’s not the most fun though.
15. The Doctor is good at accents. Rose is not.
16. The Doctor came first in ‘Jiggery Pokery’.
17. ‘Tainted love’ and ‘Toxic’ are earth classics.
18. ‘Toxic’ is actually a Ballad.
19. The Doctor can bring down a government with a single word…. Oh, sorry, my mistake: it was six.
20. The Last Human was a trampoline.
21. The Doctor loves a happy medium.
22. The Master never really dies.
23. Neither do the Daleks.
24. The Cybermen are equally resistant, although extermination seems to be effective.
25. “Mickey the Idiot” isn’t so much of an idiot after all.
26. The Doctor does not do domestic, unless it’s Christmas and Rose asks him to.
27. Remember when the Doctor kissed Martha? That was not a kiss, it was a genetic transfer.
28. Everyone knows who Harriet Jones is, even the Daleks.
29. The Doctor hates hospitals, unless they have a little shop.
30. You gotta love Rose… even the Daleks like her!
31. Cell phones really do interfere with some instruments. Those of a Tula Warship for instance.
32. The Master loves silly songs.
33. The words “You Are Not Alone” can change the world.
34. The Doctor hates guns.
35. Upgrades are not good.
36. Do not try to make the Doctor human, it…. complicates things.
37. Do not make the Doctor angry.
38. Donna is a Supertemp.
39. Never say never ever.
40. Always turn left.
41. Some things are worth getting your heart broken over.
42. Safe and Saved are two very different things.
43. Queen Elizabeth the First does not like the Doctor.
44. Shakespeare flirts a lot.
45. The globe is not actually a globe, it’s a tetradecagon.
46. Beware the Ann Droid.
47. People in Doctor Who like to explain how their name is spelled.
48. Lynda with a Y is sweet.
49. People don’t vote for sweet (well, people from her time anyway).
50. Captain Jack Harkness naked in front of millions of viewers? Your viewing figures just went up!
51. Sometimes, the Doctor runs out of kindness.
52. Of course a screwdriver should be sonic!
53. Don’t buy a gun that requires batteries, they tend to run out at the worst moment possible.
54. The Doctor loves blowing up other people’s jobs.
55. The Doctor likes to play Santa.
56. The TARDIS can actually fly!
57. The Doctor failed on his TARDIS-piloting exam.
58. You really don’t wanna know where Jack hides his laser guns.
59. Most girls (and guys) don’t actually mind when Jack flirts with them, it’s just the Doctors prudishness, really.
60. The Doctor can actually dance.
61. Rose really needs a Doctor…
62. Bad Wolf is not a bad thing.
63. You will never actually see the planet Barcelona.
64. The Doctor wants to be ginger.
65. Sadly, he is a bit rude, and not ginger.
66. Rose likes pink.
67. Jack flirts with anything with a postcode.
68. The Doctor is worth the monsters.
69. Do not try to pronounce the word “Raxacoricofallapatorius”. You will fail, and the Doctor will laugh at you.
70. Queen Victoria was not amused…. Actually, she was so un-amused, she declared the Doctor and Rose enemies of the crown.
71. The entire British Royal Family are werewolves.
72. Given the right incentive, Jackie Tyler could beat a werewolf.
73. Tin dogs can be very useful.
74. Spare hands are useful, don’t throw them away.
75. Playing on people’s most basic fears; a clear sign someone is possessed by the devil…. or a good psychologist.
76. Allons-y and Alonso go very well together.
77. 5 million Cybermen? No problem for the Daleks. One Doctor? They’d run screaming… if they had legs.
78. Daleks actually can go up stairs. They can fly, remember?
79. The Doctor likes to say the word “what”.
80. He also apologises a lot.
81. The Doctor does not appreciate being called “Martian”.
82. They had global warming back in the middle ages.
83. One should never meet ones heroes.
84. Human-Dalek hybrids completely ruin the Daleks’ image.
85. Sad = happy for deep people.
86. Time is not a strict progression from cause to effect… it is actually more like a big ball of timey-wimey, wibbly-wobbly…. stuff.
87. A paradox created by the Doctor meeting himself could blow a hole in the universe the exact size of Belgium.
88. Jack’s Vortex manipulator is a space-hopper, the TARDIS is the sports car of time travel.
89. The Doctors tenth regeneration is kinda cheeky.
90. There is a disturbingly large possibility that Jack is actually the Face of Boe.
91. During WO II there were at least five versions of Captain Jack Harkness present in Great-Britain:
- The Original, whose name Jack stole.
- A Jack working for TORCHWOOD.
- A Jack who meets the Doc and Rose for the first time.
- A Jack in a cryogenic chamber at TW
- A Jack who had accidentally travelled back in time and met the original.
It’s a bloody miracle he didn’t meet himself!! And kinda sad, really, two Jacks is better than one.
92. The Doctor and Donna are NOT married!
93. Agatha Christie is brilliant!
94. In the Doctor’s life, not everything happens chronologically.
95. Nothing is impossible, no matter how many times you say it is.
96. Sorry, can’t say: spoilers!
97. T-A-R-D-I-S. It stands for Tethered Aerial Release Developed In Style! NOT!
98. Another regeneration, and you know what? He’s still not ginger!
99. Geronimo is a nice word.
100. Generated anomalies are brilliant!
101. One word: RUN!!!!!
Okay, my best friend and I were talking about this little list, and we realised I forgot something very, very, VERY important. So here is rule 101.b:
101.B. Don’t wander off!!